For most of my professional life, I have worked serving people, that's what makes me happy and what I want my life to continue to be about. Sometimes it's not easy, vicarious trauma is real and sometimes I would get so involved in my client's cases that I would forget about myself and even neglect my family. Over time, I learned to separate my professional and personal lives, which also helped me to help my clients better, from a place of compassion and empathy that still allows me to stay neutral and focused so I can guide them.

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However, it was after my son was struggling with suicidal ideation that I decided to become a parenting coach. It was devastating to learn about it, and so hard to accept it. The human I loved the most, my baby, wanted to die. He was not thinking about what he wanted to be when he grew up anymore. He was not making plans to become a scientist, an architect, or go to the Air Force anymore. He was planning on ways to end his life.

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It was the worst experience we had ever faced as a family. My brain was not working right. I relied on health care providers to make decisions because I was afraid to say or do the wrong thing and cause a tragedy that we could never recover from.  I turned him over to them hoping they would fix him and returned to me a transformed and healed kid. So far from reality. When he was in treatment, sometimes my gut was telling me that something they suggested was not going to work for him because of who my son is, but I ignored that gut feeling out of fear.

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All this time I was scared thinking it was taking us too long to get my son to be in a good, safe place, emotionally and mentally speaking. At that time, I was checking on him several times throughout the night to make sure he was ok. Just going into his room was so scary for me. I would touch his feet or his face, praying that they were warm, that he was still alive.

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After a few weeks of struggles and noticing that my son was not getting any better, I realized that I needed to step up, put my fears aside, and take action to learn how to best support him. So, I educated myself, read all the books and listened to experts’ podcasts, TED talks, and got self-trained. But in all honesty, what helped me the most was when I learned to trust myself and trust my motherly instincts. I learned to be his mother the way he needed me to be. Not the way experts say, not the way my mom raised me, or the insta-moms suggest. I just listened to him, I was mindful and asked deep, meaningful questions, taking a genuine interest in what he had to say and his opinions about life. I have a PhD in being my son's mom. I'm the expert, and I have his back. I had to become intentional, conscious, and mindful, discover my purpose as HIS mother, and create goals and strategies that would drive the whole family to heal and support him in his journey. By having these deep conversations, he learned his value as a human being and saw how the world needs people like him. He realizes he has a mission to accomplish, he is needed, and he must stay alive and help make the world a better place. He could be the change he wants to see in the world.

I fired some of the providers and found other ones who were a better fit for my son, I collaborated very closely with them, and with his school, and more than anything, I collaborated with my son in his healing. I learned to listen just to show my support and acknowledge his pain. I avoided giving useless, repetitive advice or telling him what to do. As hard as it was, I contained the urge to tell him what he should think or feel. I didn’t blame other people for what was happening to him or hated on anybody, I was just focused on him. We created a relationship based on good communication, respect, and admiration. We created boundaries, rules, and consequences. And he was involved in the whole process, so he felt important, heard, and taken into consideration. It was important for him to understand where we were coming from, and that our actions were led by love, even when we made mistakes.

 

​I learned to recognize my mistakes as a parent, apologize for them, forgive myself, and focus on correcting them so that I could do better next time. Of course, I will never stop learning how to be a better mother for him; as he evolves and grows, so will I. And I must learn how to be his mother at each stage of his life.

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Life presented me with the opportunity to help other families in the same situation and we were able to heal together. I organized support groups where we shared experiences and tips, talked, and vented in a judgment-free safe space. 

I know I found my purpose as a parent, and I want to share what I learned with other parents and ease their way to healing and learning. That’s why I decided to get trained and become a Certified Life Coach and specialize in Parenting Coaching. How I wish I had a helping hand to make things easier and faster for us, someone who was trained and had already walked the way, a nonjudgemental guide who could help me find and trust that inherent wisdom God gives us as parents when he trusts us with a baby human.

 

Allow me to be that guide for you. You got this! It's a struggle, and most likely, depression will be with your child their whole life. They learn to deal with and cope with it. Recognize the signs and know what to do. It's not easy and it takes patience, dedication, persistence, and commitment to overcome the trauma. Did I mention patience? 

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Let's fight this monster together! Our children are worth it, they need to learn their worth by seeing it when we show them, not by hearing it from you or someone else. They don't believe they are, we have to show them with actions they are worth it to us and they have a lot to learn, live, and give. What better way to show them how important they are to you, than learning how to become the parent they need you to be so that you can help them and support them better?

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I can’t wait to hear your story and see how I can colaborate with you!